@pakalupapito: dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
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@pstamato: Asked exterminator if he chose the bug life or the bug life chose him. In the ensuing silence I assume he imagined me dying by fumigation.
@ddsmidt: Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.
@GianDoh: Freak out your neighbors by removing one member of their stick figure decal family each night.
@Cheeseboy22: My wife is always like, "You answer the door, I don't even have my bra on!" and for that reason, I have stopped wearing a bra.