@pakalupapito: dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
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@briangaar: Whenever people are like "We need to restore traditional values to this country" I assume they mean slavery and burning witches at the stake
@MehrangizC: That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening..
@TommyKarate: I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.
@batkaren: I stand at airplane arrival gates with a "SAMANTHA" sign, then cry after everyone's exited until airport security brings me soup. Free soup!