@hazelmotes1: Don't judge. Maybe I'm conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don't know.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress
@relatabledad: coming to theaters soon: Dawn of the Rise of the Dawn of the Planet of the Rise of the Rise of the Dawn of the Apes
@SteveSuckington: ME: I can't come in to work. My grandma died BOSS: your grandma has died 4 times this year ME: yeah she's a cat
@dukelongboard: When I was 13 my dad gave me a bunch of socks n said "I heard u grunting in ur room last night, do it into these" So now I poop into socks