@NotJPo: "Don't kid yourself." - birth control
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@david8hughes: [at the mall] "Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?" "Of course." [leans in to mic] "Goodbye you little shit."
@ApocalypseBnG: How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
@heidiknits: Just had a 9 minute argument with The Boy over why he needs to change his underwear this morning. Don't forget your birth control, friends.