@realHamOnWry: Don’t let them fool you. Squirrels are just rats dressed in Armani.
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@KeetPotato: [tortoise arguing with his gf] "FINE IM LEAVING" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? "THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"
@galiamango: I'm not a shout it from the rooftops kind of person, but I'll write it on a post-it and leave it lying around for people to see.
@CraigChamberlin: Me: "You didn't tell me that." Them: "Yes I did, four times while you were staring at your phone." Me (looks up): "I'm sorry, what?"
@_Ms_Moneypenny_: Some guy called me a siren. It's like he doesn't even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too.