@alrightbob: "Don't move or she's dead" was the last thing the wife heard before the husband started tap dancing.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rad_milk: i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead
@mortimermaiden: Doctor: I'm afraid we've lost him. Mother: What? But he was just getting a few stitches! Doctor: It's just a figure of speech, ma'am, he's right here in the morgue.
@becks_bradley: Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real.
@kelkulus: evanescence - noun: the process of vanishing or fading out of sight, memory, or existence. So that's what happened. Great band name, guys.