@alrightbob: "Don't move or she's dead" was the last thing the wife heard before the husband started tap dancing.
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@KalvinMacleod: CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice
@msmessymist: Whenever I lose a follower I assume they died and the family had the account removed, because hello! I'm amazing!!
@yaboybillnye: Yo mama so dumb she tried to minimize a 9 variable function to a sum of products wit a karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm