@TheRachelFisher: Don't "pshhh" me, you stupid bus.
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@iwearaonesie: [movie] *guy hugs woman from behind while she cuts vegetables* wife: Aww me*does same thing* wife:ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME LOSE A FINGER?!
@flashember: PROPHET DANIEL: Behold! the fourth beast had ten eyes and ten horns. Even the horns had eyes KING BELSHAZZAR: do you even hear yourself Dan
@ceejoyner: Original plans for Mt Rushmore had the mouths carved open so they would scream out bats at the setting sun then eat them again at dawn.
@DaddyJew: Coworker: people around the office think you're too controlling Me: what's that? Coworker: oh, sorry *raises hand*