@shutupmikeginn: Don’t sweat it McGregor, after failing attempting the wrong sport you’re 8950% more likely to be asked to save the world by a cartoon bunny.
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@TheToddWilliams: [dinner, my place] "This tastes like pork?" ME: You asked for a nice swine "No, a nice wine" ME: Oh, okay…you still want the crap cakes?
@EmmettScanlan: Mum: "OMG clean your room! This is MADNESS!" Me: "Madness?! NO... THIS IS SPARTA!!" *Kicks Mum*..
@GrowlyGrego: A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop.