@shutupmikeginn: Don’t sweat it McGregor, after failing attempting the wrong sport you’re 8950% more likely to be asked to save the world by a cartoon bunny.
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@drankturpentine: JOB INTERVIEWER: says you’re biggest weakness is typos? ME: actually that should say tide pods
@TheRealRHB: Cute neighbor mows her lawn almost naked, so I sneak over there at night and sprinkle Miracle-Gro all over her yard.. costly but so worth it
@Mikecanrant: The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. Im not taking any chances. *locks doors*
@JimmerThatisAll: Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at.