@brendohare: Don't talk down to me
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@SteveKoehler22: Women love to say "sexy AF" or "hot AF" on Twitter .... If I'd known being in the Air Force was that hot...I'd have stayed in !
@ArfMeasures: Flight attendant: Is anyone on board a doctor? Me: No, I'm on board a plane haha Man having a heart attack: ok I'm ready to die now
@funnyordie: Lots of people comparing Trump to ISIS and Hitler. Wow. Take it easy, guys! That's not very nice to ISIS or Hitler.
@ProdigyNelson: Her: when you said "magical in bed" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit