@bourgeoisalien: don't usually brag about helping people, but when I saw an old lady drop her groceries, I yelled: "lift with a straight back!" it felt good
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@Thrill_Tweeter: People with FB statuses like, "I'm so angry right now", then when someone says, "What's up?" they reply, "I'll text you." WHAT ABOUT US?
@RamblingMachine: Some fairy tales start with "once upon a time". Others start with "If I won the elections".
@turtledumplin: Boss left his email open. Me: *looks around, send email to district manager "i love you" Now we wait