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@Rollinintheseat: *Don’t Walk sign flashes*
Me: [from my wheelchair]: “Okay.”
@thechrisschmidt: My son has reached an age where he’s becoming curious about the human body, so I think I’m gonna have to drag it out of the crawlspace and bury it behind the shed.
@bourgeoisalien: I make all my clothing choices based on what I would look like if I'm unexpectedly asked to bounce on a trampoline at some point in the day.
@Wine_Honey1: My boss said that we could go outside during the solar eclipse, but no time limit was given
*takes 8 hour lunch break
*raids liquor store
@kwkorpi: Cigarettes that help you quit chewing gum.
@robfee: The Ghostbusters are women?! This totally compromises the integrity of a story about battling evil marshmallows while dressed like a janitor