@roadkill3x: Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back.
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@doublewenis: My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal.
@stephenjmolloy: Job interviewer: "Why do you want to join the Secret Service?" Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."
@mjm866: You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog
@UniqueDude2: Teens: I was an idiot when I was a kid 20s: I was an idiot when I was a teen 30s: I was an idiot in my 20s 33: if only there was a pattern