@roadkill3x: Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back.
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@Boba_Photo: $1,000/hour for an escort? No thanks. I've been crossing the street by myself for free since I was 6.
@NotthatAdamWest: April Fool's Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared.
@daemonic3: [Home Depot] "Hi, my wife asked me to pick up some small finishing nails" Clerk: Oh, with a little head? "Nah, just verbally"
@heatherlou_: Got 3 boxes of tampons, Midol & Ibuprofen at the store. Checker was so scared he paid for my shit & carried it out for me.