@mstern68: Don't worry about my probation officer, he just likes to watch.
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@funnyordie: When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?
@AmishPornStar1: Go ahead, make fun of my cargo shorts But we'll see who's laughing when you need a corkscrew, life raft, pillow or an extra tuna sandwich.
@knot_eye: Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO
@davedittell: "she's too good for him" "he doesn't deserve her" "she should be with me" "I need a good girl like that" --me looking at other people's dogs