@mstern68: Don't worry about my probation officer, he just likes to watch.
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@Reverend_Scott: Noah: An ark? Full of animals?? God: ... Noah: You even listening?? God: Sorry what? I was checking out the iPhone 6. This thing is garbage.
@jonnysun: ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT
@DillDoes: Being a worm must great. Its like "wow that dirt was great I hope there's more" and there always is