@ShittyComedian: Don't you hate it when you're so high on drugs that simple, everyday, mundane tasks become difficult? Anyway, I pissed on your sofa.
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@thenatewolf: God: why don't we text anymore? Me: you know why God: I can't just give everyone a Sega whenever they ask. That's not how it works Me: k
@SuperTeeWhy: [Bar] "Two long necks please" Giraffe in the back: Wow. Did he just- Giraffe's wife: Cliff, he didn't mean anything by it please sit down
@anjadrisch: My anti bacterial hand wash promises to kill germs & moisturise at the same time. Such violence & nurturing from the one product.