@MrSpoonicorn: don't you just hate it when a zombie breaks into your home and starts doing their ironing right in front of the TV
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@joeljeffrey: [At job interview] Interviewer: Do you have a police record? Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette *hires me instantly
@_SingleBabyMama: Drug commercial...Don't take this medication if you are allergic to this medication. Oh, ok. That's super helpful, thank you.