@dreamthievin: Greeting card [cover] Sorry to hear about your Alzheimer's [inside] Sorry to hear about your Alzheimer's

@TheBoydP: Not to brag but growing up my boys thought a unanimous decision meant whatever mom wants.

@silvertongue37: I could survive 3 months in the wilderness with a pocket knife and the contents of a woman's purse.

@AJslackie: Sex so bad, Taylor Swift breaks up with you and doesn't even write a song about it.

@flashember: COME TO ME JOURNALBOT *Journalbot enters my study* ok write this down: Polar bears are bear ghosts. "polargeists" [very sad robot noises]