@TurnpikeTony: "Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you're from Long Island, New York
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@weenbeans: will you marry me? "OMG YES! I love you!!!" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too
@huntigula: [at aquarium] "Kids, the blowfish is named bc of its cheeks" BLOWFISH: [taps glass] actually that's a common misconception, got any cocaine?
@ThisOneSayz: Clearly something went amiss when I said I liked an animal in the bedroom and he showed up with a raccoon.