@TheAlexNevil: Fortune Cookie:
For healthy looking skin, don't get eaten by a bear.
@longwall26: Martial arts movie, starring me
Master: You wish to learn to fight?
Me: Yes
Master: The training is very difficult
Me: Oh then no
The End
@FormerGrunt: When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.
@TonyWIVK: BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence taking 2-year break from acting.
Vin Diesel is also taking a break from acting, but will keep making movies.
@DiabeetusNurse: This chic on Facebook said she ran 17 miles yesterday. Where I live the police would have gave up after like, IDK, 6 miles maybe.
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