@joeljeffrey: Double standard - bear breaks into girl's house, bear gets shot. Girl breaks into bear's house, we write a children's story about it.
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@lalastrailer: If I had a dollar for everyone I work with who's dumber than me, I'd have $11 cause I work for a small company.
@AndyRichter: If you're not carrying around matchbooks from places you've been recently I don't know why you don't want your murder to be solved
@PaperWash: I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it.
@KyleMcDowell86: [Me to the second baseman after I slide into 2nd] Make sure u separate plastics & food waste [Coach from dugout] NOT THAT KIND OF TRASH TALK