@joeljeffrey: Double standard - bear breaks into girl's house, bear gets shot. Girl breaks into bear's house, we write a children's story about it.
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@SaraESpivey: My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now.
@envydatropic: If you stand by and watch someone wreck their life, you're part of the problem And yet we all still go to weddings for the open bar
@MsCassieDaniels: A cat is the animal equivalent of the girl who hated you for no reason in high school.
@KissabiX: [sees a lion and a witch come out of a wardrobe] Me: what have you been up to in there? Lion: Narnia business