@DrDogMD: DR DOG: It says you're here for a blood test. First, some questions. Number one: over the last six months who's been a good boy?
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@michaeljhudson: *dog runs for president* *is asked race sensitive question "The thing is, I don't see color" *crowd goes wild*
@1followernodad: [at a bar] *creepy dude is hitting on me* Me: you wanna get outta here? Him: yeah Me: cool. I would love it if you left.
@ayyyyloser: Interviewer: Give me an example of something you took with you from your last job Me: Toilet paper
@ceejoyner: I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.