@DrDogMD: DR DOG: It says you're here for a blood test. First, some questions. Number one: over the last six months who's been a good boy?
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@IslandsJunk: Win a Canadian marathon by putting a door just before the finish line and having them all wait for you to go through first.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: Few people know that inventor of the car alarm Enrico Irritanti never owned an automobile. He did, however, passionately hate his neighbors.
@T_N_Crumpets: Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was? [flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills] Me: Easily 10
@Steelers1972: Don't have your phone number posted on FB if you don't want me calling you at 3am drunk asking for the recipe of that cobbler you posted.