@IamEnidColeslaw: drank a Mike's Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?
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@jctwritesstuff: "At least you'll be safe from zombies," I whisper to myself as I struggle to get my head out of the armhole of my shirt.
@curlycomedy: Jesus said to love your neighbor, but makes no mention about putting up with their music at 3am.
@Only_Fast_Eddie: People tell me that I have a unique way of lighting up a room. It's called arson and those people are called witnesses.