@IamEnidColeslaw: drank a Mike's Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?
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@DallyDoll: Gross. This salad tastes like pee and vegetables. Don't ask me how I know what vegetables taste like.
@kwirkyKerri: Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins. So the garbage men don't think it's just me.
@thebeckyard: "Mom, you need to calm down with how much cheese you've been buying." *silently writes him out of my will*