@DothTheDoth: Dream home requirements: 1.) a secret passage behind a bookcase 2.) the thing that will kill me lives just beyond the tree line.
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@the_paramedicK: Mom: why are your eyes dilated Me: your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love Mom: what were you looking at Me: memes
@tastefactory: Power went out in my office building & a maintenance guy said Transformers blew. Um yeah it was a bad movie buddy now what about the power??
@KatieBurnett: To the guy who turned the entire first floor of his house into a giant ball pit - I will find you, and I will marry you