@DothTheDoth: Dream home requirements: 1.) a secret passage behind a bookcase 2.) the thing that will kill me lives just beyond the tree line.
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@pakalupapito: out of all my body parts, I'm sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Are you supposed to wear your Fitbit in the shower? I'm looking to break this thing as quickly as possible and need advice.
@amethystxmatt: turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left
@TitansHomer: [High School Reunion] Him: I started my own Law Firm last year Me: It took 2 months, but I convinced my wife Space Jam was a true story