@KKAlThani: Drink coffee. It saves lives. One cup will decrease your chances of murdering someone in the morning.
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@Contwixt: Girl, are you a conspiracy theory? Because I want to listen to you all day long even though I find it hard to believe a word you say.
@imdaintyaf: [I open my lunchbox to find flask of whisky] But that means.... [Cut to my 4 y/o opening her lunchbox to find a flask of whisky]
@brianbowman73: Female Coworker: I just got this implant in my arm. It's for birth control. Me: I didn't even know an arm could get pregnant.