@slimmy_shady: Drink this wine, it's the blood of Christ.Eat this bread, it's the body of Christ.Jesus pulls out hotdog, "Now hear me out"
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@JVarsityCaptain: Ladies, wonder if he's busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
@onion_an: Me: I was so happy before I lost my forearms in that shark attack Therapist: How do you feel now? Me: With my elbows
@AddledPixie: I just want to be important enough that someone unexpectedly puts a cup of coffee in my hand, which I gratefully accept with only a nod.
@AbrasiveGhost: Wife: u can take Max to the park but ur not gonna wrestle other ppls dogs Me in a spandex singlet: Im 16-0 Karen I have a title to uphold