@DevilryFun: Drinking pineapple juice will improve your complexion and adding rum will improve others’ looks.
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@KevinBuffalo: When my cousin came out as gay, his parents wanted him to see a psychiatrist. Which is too bad. Cuz he was already seeing a handsome lawyer.
@UnFitz: Tip: "At the same time" has more characters than "simultaneously." The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder.
@bridger_w: When someone says, "I haven't seen you in forever," a fun response is, "I know, we're really not that good of friends"