@thomaslennon: Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you're supposed to pick them up?
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@RelatableQuote: She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather
@UNTRESOR: Hi, I'm Brandon and I'll be your hater this evening. Our specials tonight are "ur mom", "lol own3d", and "u mad bro lol u mad?!??!"
@BadassBarbie11: If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
@cjwerleman: Today your brother-in-law will announce his plan to defeat ISIS. Happy Thanksgiving.