@thomaslennon: Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you're supposed to pick them up?
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@timdonakowski: Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish in highly-contaminated water, feed him for a day.
@iwearaonesie: wife: You're going to work like that? me: Yeah, it's casual day [20 minutes later] *calls wife* me: Can you bring me a shirt?
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'd run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.