@IamEveryDayPpl: *drops a couple pew-pews from my finger guns into the offering basket at church*
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@trojansauce: FRIEND:i suffer badly with insomnia ME:what's that FRIEND:it's where you can't sleep ME:you just*lays down*just like this *falls asleep*see?
@SirEviscerate: *uses blood from wounds to write my killer's name on the floor* I...will be...avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON'T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!
@XplodingUnicorn: I walked into a gas station & a woman handed me a free slice of pizza Either Iowa is the nicest state in America or I've just been poisoned
@Ghetto_Trophy: I automatically write off anything Donald Trump says because someone with that much money has no excuse for that hair.