@TheDairylandDon: [drops capsule in woman's drink] Maybe when that's finished, we can get out of here? [green sponge dinosaur grows out of glass] Ready to go?
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@ArfMeasures: ME [trying to convince her I care] I'm so angry the big bed cushions haven't arrived WIFE: Throw pillows M: I'm that angry Karen, I might do
@hipstermermaid: The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.
@WheelTod: I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked Wonderful or was it just the 20th outfit she'd tried & he just wanted to get to the party
@aneesa_p: Shout out to authentic Indian restaurants that encourage eating using only the hands. They don't give a fork.