@WilliamAder: Drove a wedge of suspicion today between the fast food employee at the first window and the one at the second.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@yerpalmildsauce: In Heaven all your lost pets are sitting around waiting to see you again. "I wish he'd die," says Cupcake. They all nod.
@david8hughes: [hears baby crying in the next room] "It's ok, I'll go." [gets in car & goes to a motel]
@theshamingofjay: No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn't follow through on at the end of the year, I'd get married again.
@austen_420: Rules for meeting a puppy: 1 be cool 2 pet it 3 do not steal it 4 stop running from the owner 5 put it down 6 this isn't worth jail time