@burntmybagel: Drugs are great until they fall into the wrong hands. I am referring, of course, to the cops or people who don't enjoy life.
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@Reverend_Scott: How to impress your ex: 1. Get rich 2. Get more attractive 3. Get a tiger 4. Ride tiger everywhere in preparation for confrontation with ex
@GrantTanaka: boss: [asks me to do something] me: [wonders how beyonce would do it] boss: STOP WONDERING ABOUT HOW BEYONCE WOULD DO IT