@jazmasta: Drugs are never the answer kids. Unless the question is "why have you been checking under the carpet for lizards for 3 days straight?"
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work?
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: You won’t believe what Diane did at work today Me: (thinking, “I don’t care”) Wife: I heard that
@TaraToGo: Why does toothpaste drop off your toothbrush so easily but then turn into a type of thermosetting polymer that’s impossible to wash away?