@ExploringUrMind: Drugs, is not the answer unless the question is why are you eating spaghetti with your hands.
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@RuffaloShuffle: *Dad enters room dressed as Han Solo* "May divorce be with you" "What?" "Your mother and I are getting a divorce. I figured I'd make it fun"
@NoogsCorner: When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan.
@sad_tree: [job interview] "So why do you want to be a jeweler?" ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies
@Discourt: For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.