@ReeseButCallMeV: Drugs made me responsible. If it weren't for drugs I might have never started working at 15.
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@shita3yosays: Nice try "unknown" caller, but I don't answer when my family calls so what chance did you think you had?
@JasonCarney31: *sets up booth, hangs up sign "$5 Mustache Rides!" *nobody shows up. I knew I shouldn't have named the damn pony 'mustache'
@NotthatAdamWest: The scariest thing about survival of the fittest is that it means the idiots currently surrounding you are the best evolution has to offer.
@briancthayer: Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you.