@ReeseButCallMeV: Drugs made me responsible. If it weren't for drugs I might have never started working at 15.
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@ValeeGrrl: Me: Ready for school? 7yo: [in only underwear with pants tied around his neck like a scarf & a sock on each hand] Almost
@sageboggs: "You're getting an MFA in English? Wasn't your Bachelor's useless enough for you?" -second degree burn
@VodkaShorebird: "You know what people really want to see? Season after season of a guy drinking his own piss." - Discovery Channel executive
@thatcarlygirl: What if I color on you? What if I run a truck along your back? Steal your toy? Throw a ball? Spit food at you? - My toddler, wooing the dog