@SoGoFu: Dryer settings:
- not the least bit dry
- shrunk to barely fit 12 yr old you
@Sassafrantz: Ghosts are pretty cool because they can literally do anything they want, but they choose to hide my keys.
@JElvisWeinstein: "And if all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you make up a story about jumping off a bridge too?"-- Teen Brian Williams' mother
@Cpin42: I’m sick of people blaming the Internet when someone gets killed. Watch the History Channel. Hitler didn’t find the Jews on craigslist.
@WildeThingy: I wish young people would stop idealising future dystopias and start enjoying the one they're in.
@ibid78: [in hospital]
-dude what happened?
"I got hit by a bu-
[a bus taps on the window, does neck slice motion]
-I mean I fell down the stairs"