@lemonmartinis: Dude that's not a tire swing its a warning to other tires that trespass in my yard
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@laurenreeves: My sister asked if I stole her cream sweater. Uh, yeah. Who else would've stolen it? You think a burglar broke in and was like "Cute top!"
@TheSharona06: When taking your dog to the vet it's very important to remember to put your dog in the car.
@badAzz_mom: Don't make eye contact Don't make eye contact Don't make eye contact "Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?" SURE! ...bringing the total amount of cookies to 348