@mutedclamor: Dude you're a dentist. Why am I in stirrups?
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@Carbosly: There's this guy at work who's giving his wife a gym membership & a vegetable juicer for her birthday tomorrow. His name was Tom.
@TakeItFromUsPR: Thousands of people are attacked by sea creatures every year. We at BP are dedicated to bringing that number down. You're welcome!
@taramae72: *Mouth full of pizza* Boss: I thought you were trying to lose weight? Me: Waaa? Iths diet peetha.