@PaulyPeligroso: Dudes named Chance never had one.
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@onion_an: Guy: [pulls out knife] Me: But I'm allergic to stainless steel Guy: [stabs me] Me: Noooo I'll get a rash
@MommaUnfiltered: If you start your emails with "Greetings" let me be the first to welcome you to Earth.
@RorynotRoy: "Have you tried sleeping? Okay. And you've had enough burritos lately? Hmm. Well, this is puzzling." - me as a doctor