@jollyrobber: Dude's trunk just popped open in front of me on the expressway ramp. I instinctively looked to see if any of you were in there.
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@ArfMeasures: BOSS: Why aren't these documents attached together? ME: Sorry I couldn't find my...[suddenly forgets the word stapler]...desk crocodile
@truegritrumble: PERSONAL TRAINER: How's your nutrition? ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.
@Jake_Vig: Dear President of Mexico, DO NOT fall for Trump's old trick where he mumbles "guypayingtobuildthewallsayswhat?" and you say "What?"