@Storminika: During labour, nurse came up to me & said, 'How about Epidural Anesthesia?' I was like, 'Thanks, but I already picked a name.
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@usedwigs: Your Google Self-Driving car should be taken away if you don't let your dog sit in the driver's seat while you hold a map riding shotgun.
@dlsims01: Invitations: $10 Cupcakes: $15 Facility rental: $100 Not having 20 kids in my house: priceless Math of a mother
@JumbledButts: Prison Guard: "So you two cons are in love?" Con1: "Yes." Con2: "It's like we finish each other's..." *in unison* "death sentences."