@Storminika: During labour, nurse came up to me & said, 'How about Epidural Anesthesia?' I was like, 'Thanks, but I already picked a name.
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@KentWGraham: If I were the person naming diseases, Chronic Lying Disorder would be called Liarrhea.
@SuperApple80: [babysitting] ME: Awww, look at that cute little platypus on TV. KID: No. It’s a DUCK-BILLED platypus. ME: *pulls him in close by his shirt* as opposed to all the other types of platypuses, you little shit?
@AimeeHelene1: I own a lot of cleaning supplies for someone whose friends inscribed "dust me" on my coffee table recently.