@welone1: During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
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@JermHimselfish: Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.
@usermcuserface: Tonight we dine in hell! (Dies in battle) Hi, Take a seat in the booth with the 3 vegans. Your beets and kale will be out soon. Oh shit...
@KPsych29: Anything u say can & will be used against u, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I'm a woman. And, we never forget. Anything. Ever.
@juliussharpe: Arthur Miller underratedly sucked at naming characters. "Biff"?? "Happy"?? Dude, take five more minutes.