@JermHimselfish: Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.

@usermcuserface: Tonight we dine in hell! (Dies in battle) Hi, Take a seat in the booth with the 3 vegans. Your beets and kale will be out soon. Oh shit...

@KPsych29: Anything u say can & will be used against u, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I'm a woman. And, we never forget. Anything. Ever.

@juliussharpe: Arthur Miller underratedly sucked at naming characters. "Biff"?? "Happy"?? Dude, take five more minutes.

@better_off_dad: 'I want to see other kids.' ~Me, parenting.