@UnFitz: Dyslexic Superbowl watchers were probably disappointed when they saw football instead of a superb owl.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *calls* How are my kids? Grandma: We're having so much fun Me: Maybe they can stay with you a few extra- Grandma: Come get your kids.
@AndrewNadeau0: Viking funerals are perfect for when you want to honor a friend and also get rid of a boat.
@HeyZeus666: I turned off Auto-Correct for the first time, and now my new girlfriend thinks she has a face that launched a 1000 shits.
@imence2: I always take my kids on vacation during drug awareness week...because there's just some things they should learn from their dad.