@bencoffeehall: Each year an average of 10 people are killed by sharks while 100 people die being stepped on by cows. Where's Cow Week, Discovery Channel?!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Kyle_Lippert: *plugs my phone in to charge when it's at 80%* *lets the low battery warning on my fire alarm beep for 6 months*
@flamingo_poet: I've programmed Alexa to turn off the lights and attack me at random intervals so I can keep my karate skills sharp.
@IamEnidColeslaw: who gives a shit about how many spiders you eat when you're asleep? I'm worried about how many are getting into the other holes
@thetigersez: The best part about getting older is now when my friends make me mad I just give their kids a gift that contains glitter.