@enigmaterics: Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.
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@sublyfe2015: My mom handed me her phone to find me on Twitter... So I deleted her account, uninstalled the app, and told her it went out of business.
@internetluke: TAYLOR SWIFT: I knew you were trouble when you walked in ME (wearing ski mask and holding up gun): what gave it away?
@buck4itt: Thanks for keeping your Instagram account private. I'd hate for those pictures of your lunch to fall into the wrong hands.
@MrsFancyPants77: Once, just once, I'd like to be able to use the word skedaddling in an everyday conversation.