@enigmaterics: Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.
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@MakesYouGiggle: Netflix: Are you still there? Me: <in bed, potato chips in hair, dirty pajamas, no makeup, cats surrounding me> Do you really have to ask?
@dafloydsta: [trying to impress date] HER: I really want to have children. ME: [to waiter] Bring us your finest baby.