@enigmaterics: Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.
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@RobDenBleyker: I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams because she's a thirty foot half witch half crocodile who chases me endlessly through darkness.
@CornOnTheGoblin: Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me.
@comfynumb2012: Good news, people in 3rd world countries, suffering inexplicable hardships- Amy from fb says god won't give you more than you can handle.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: CNN: Trump removes screaming baby from rally Fox News: Trump rally interrupted by another unruly, entitled protestor who still lives at home