@yoyoha: "Eat her already!" - Animal watching people kissing
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@jilleb163: My "I'm enraged!" status update on Facebook garnered a lot of congratulations from people who don't read well.
@leechee420: A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn't know it was even possible to be this jealous.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My Mormon neighbor said it was rude I assumed her husband's surprise birthday party invitation was also an invitation to be her sister wife.