@SteveSuckington: Eat shit dude! No seriously, it's good for your eyes. You've never seen a dog with glasses have you?
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@noogscorner: Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn't give them a progress report every week.
@PaperWash: date: and then after traveling to Iceland I decided to get my MBA me: date: me: I went to Arby's 7 times yesterday
@TheSharona06: [Divorce court] Her: I found his Twitter account. I want a divorce. Judge: He was cheating? Her: No, he was doing inspirational tweets.
@honeybadgerMel: I wish my ears would visibly lay back like a cats when I'm pissed off so people would know when to leave me the hell alone.