@Jesssicle: Eating a cucumber would be the 2nd worst way to discover that you are allergic to cucumbers.
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@BadassBarbie11: If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
@DebraMuffin: The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can.
@shutupmikeginn: I like watching documentaries about murderers because i know i'm doing better than every person in the movie.
@Test_of_Steron: Husband: I called my boss "Honey" today. Wife: What? Why? H: He was shouting at me and telling me I was wrong, and it just slipped out.