@ibrownied: Eating clocks is probably the most time consuming thing you could ever do.
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@TheLeslieMommy: Old lady across from me in ER waiting room just asked me, "So are you sick?" No, I'm just here for the free CNN.
@spacej_me: Sorry you handed me your baby and I immediately put it in the garbage I thought that's what we were doing.
@Sassafrantz: Him: She's always doing magic tricks Therapist: Is that true? Me: Check your pocket. [he pulls out a piece of paper with 'NO' written on it]
@CheryeDavis: Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!