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@realHamOnWry: *eats whole carrot cake*
*waits for eyesight to improve*
@ChickenFrecklez: Hubby is trying to get it up...There we go...Ok now it won't go down-oh there it goes...Shit, now it's going back up!
Garage door is broken
@MarcyLane: When buying baked goods I always ask myself, "are you prepared to eat this in the parking lot?"
@TheBoydP: Relationship status: My wife calls me her chauffeur because I drive her nuts...
@Ignorant_Indian: People out there are trying to contact the dead and you're telling me you can't text back?
@Reverend_Scott: Goodnight honey.
"Daddy, where do babies come from?"
The stork flies them in.
"Why's it take 9 months?"
Wind resistance. Go to sleep.