@kelkulus: Egyptians don't walk like that.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My daughter's school was closed for fog. Back in my day, Godzilla could be destroying the city & the principal would be like "2-hour delay"
@DaddyJew: Relationship threats: teens: i'll cheat on you 20's: i'll go to the bar with my boys 30's: I'm gonna watch all of our shows without you
@recoveringbapti: Be on the lookout for a armed psychic midget who just robbed a bank and got away....the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE!! ba dum dum
@JohnLyonTweets: Hope you enjoy my new song, "Part of This Song's Title Is in Parentheses (For No Reason)."