@truegritrumble: FRIEND: How’s the new girlfriend?
ME: She’s a real queen bee.
FRIEND: *rolls eyes* Haha. Suuure.
*a faint buzzing from my pocket*
ME: Dude, she’s right here.
@ThaJawn: *braids your voodoo doll's hair
Me: HAHAHAHA! She will wake up and be like "who braided my hair" HAHAHAHA
@MommaUnfiltered: Just text my husband to tell him he left his phone behind & someone is calling him.
And now someone's texting him.
@badbanana: I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.
@tomw1984: I'm off work next week so I'm gonna throw this knife at a map, where it lands I go.
*throws knife, misses map.*
Space, I'm going to space
COMMENTS