@Mike_Hunt_05: I'm so old that I was the tv remote when I was a kid

@Marcmywords2: I texted my ex, I'm at a cemetery..... wish you were here.

@Bagyants: "What if we make headphones that stay in people's ears?" "Good idea Bob!" [aside] "Kill him and his whole family." -Apple meeting

@SemFitty: *wear sunscreen* *go up to a guy named Ray and punch him in the nose* *now laugh because sunscreen protects you from ultra violent Rays*

@patnspankme: The cool thing about Lady Doritos is if you toss them in a bag with male Doritos they make you an endless supply of delicious Baby Doritos.