@TweetsByTheTony: El Chapo is a murderous Mexican drug lord. El Chapo Supreme is a murderous Mexican drug lord with sour cream, lettuce and tomato.
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@AwkwardComedy: "Password is incorrect" *resets password* "New password cannot be the same as the old password"
@TheBoydP: When accused by a woman a man's first instinct is to deny. We're not lying, we're just buying time to remember what you're talking about...
@Mr_Kapowski: After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back "Listen idiot, you're drunk. Just go lay down"