@horselythighs: Elijah Wood and Toby Mcguire: whoever dies first gets played by the other in the biopic
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@EJGomez: son ur mom told me u & ur gf broke up today? *puts hand on sons shoulder* if u had bought a pet falcon like i told u she woulda never left u
@trevso_electric: If you want to keep a secret from me, write it and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
@WilliamAder: By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
@OmarImranTweets: 13 year old girls be like "I need a man who.. " Lol the only Man in your life should be Spongebob. Yallah go finish your homework.